pan99

I have decided to wear my American pin lapel pin to watch the debate. I am only wearing a tshirt and shorts though, so it looks a little bit strange on the one hand but on the other it really stands out and is patriotic looking. On to the debate:

I will be the first to admit, I have not been watching the debates because they are not really debates, and end up being silly talking points exercises. But I have some high opens for this one for one reason: Maria Bartiromo. Unfortunately it looks like they don’t have mirrors in Deerborn Michigan because she is wearing something that makes her look like a nun. Nonetheless, Chris Mathews appears to be aroused.

Fred Thompson is making his first debate appearance, and he is…looking old. The Thompson campaign has to be great news for McCain’s camp since he no longer is and looks much older than everyone else running for President.

Thompson gets the first question, and MSNBC runs the follwing breaking news headline across the bottom of the screen: Fred Thompson spent the last few months trying to emulate George W. Bush’s speaking style.

I am not going to lie. I like his shiny gold tie.

Thompson also let’s viewers know that “enough people are not telling the greatest story never told.” A good thing since it would have required the story’s name to be changed.

Romney get his first question and at the end announces that after the debate he will be releasing a book called How to Kiss Michigan Voters Ass.

All the candidates agreed before the debate not to call Hillary by name during their first question. Giuliani only reluctantly agreed and so decided to refer to her anyway as “the Democratic frontrunner.” I have a feeling we will be hearing him talk about her later in the night.

The first sign that it will be nearly impossible to watch this entire debate without many many breaks comes when Ron Paul starts talking about currency policy. Unfortunately the gold standard presidential debate ended in 1933.

John McCain recommends that Ron Paul read “Wealth of Nations.” Ironically the Congressman is probably the only one on the stage who has actually read the book. A quick search on Amazon confirms that customers who bought Wealth of Nation did not also buy McCain’s autobiography.

It appears that McCain can’t hear the questions very well. Not good for the “is he too old crowd.” Since he can’t hear the question he just decides to woe the tobacco lobby.

The first new word of the night comes from Gov. Huckabee. While talking about the Fair Tax he starts saying “untax” repeatedly. My message to the Governor is the same one I tell my mom every time we play Scrabble: It does not matter how many times you say the made up word, it does not make it a word.

Also, for all of the drug dealers and prostiutes out there, under the Huckabee administration plan to pay your fair share of taxes. Brownback appears to be offended that prostitution was mentioned in front of any kids who may have been in the audience.

I don’t know what question Duncan Hunter just answered, but judging by his own reaction it was his applause line and unfortunately no one applauded. Always uncomfortable. This is also the end of my coverage of Hunter tonight when his answer involves him talking about outsourcing.

Bartiromo just asked the audience not to clap. I think if Bartiromo asked me not to clap, I would. I also would not be able to move for several minutes. However, I suspect that the older Michigan women in the audience are probably thinking “I will clap if I damn well please, you think you are so pretty and can tell me what to do. It’s a free country.”

“We are taxed to the max.” Senator Brownback is taking the early rhyming lead. Look for Romney to pounce quickly.

Tancredo is still in the race? It really makes you wonder how expensive can it be to run for President when this guys is still in the race. He has raised a total of $14,000 in Michigan. I guess Michigan is not having as much of a problem with illegal immigration from Canada as California is with Mexico.

I don’t think I am alone in wondering: Who is taller Dennis Kucinich or Tancredo? Mitt invokes one of my favorite debate ploys when a candidate says “everyone knows X” and the people on the stage all appear to be unaware of X or disagree. I don’t even know what he was talking about.

Now that every candidate has had a chance to speak, its official: Giuliani has a much better knot tie than anyone else. If he posts an article on his website explaining his tie tying technique I will donate to his campaign.

Fred Thompson is at least a foot taller than anyone else. Have the candidates in a Presidential debate ever asked that one candidate have to stand in a hole? Also, you have to wonder how they decided that Thompson got to stand in the middle. Shouldn’t he have to stand by himself at one of the ends for getting into the race so late?

Romney just talked about the Club for Growth. I think I get spam mail from them every day. Thank you thank you I will be here all week.

Maybe others have said it before me, but McCain goes with a comb over only a lawyer could envy.

McCain has now lost the bear vote after questioning why there was a $3 million dollar government study on their mating habits.

Someone was asked if they are a Bush Republican. Prediction: Not only will no one on the stage identify themselves as a Bush Republican. They will not use his name at all. It’s literally an unwritten rule.

Hopefully Ron Paul has not gone left to use the bathroom. He has not talked in a while. I miss his musk.

Romney subtly reminds everyone in the audience and on stage that he is richer than all of them combined while talking about his business experience. Hopefully all the unemployed auto workers in the audience are thinking “If only his hedge fund would have bought our car manufacture I would still have a job.”

This just in. Michigan is personal to Romney. He is going to specifically “go to work for Michigan.” Minnesota can fuck itself.

Once again I don’t know what the question was, but Rudy offers us this pearl: You can’t throw the baby out with the bath water. I think I would like to see Rudy elected just to see him use lots of potentially offensive old sayings.

Not to be out done, another candidate says “We are going to get our britches beat.” That is the kind of phrase you just don’t hear in a Democratic debate.

At the beginning of the evening Fred Thompson said he studies history. Message for Fred Thompson McCain is also a student of history. In fact he is a student of boring history about something that I could not understand or write down.

Mitt Romney also wants you to know something: He is not afraid to compete with anyone in a sports analogy contest.

I know I am not the first person to write a play by play blog entry for a Republican debate only to find after 90 minutes they have forgotten which one is Tancredo and which one is Hunter.

In case you were wondering, Hunter practices Mirror Trade. I feel fairly certain this trade theory will no be making it in to any high school text books.

Also, in case you were worried under a Tancredo administration Wal-Mart will not be sold to Dubai.

Thompson used an analogy with a rich man and a middle class man, their houses, running, and someone being off target. I am pretty sure not a single person knows what he is talking about. You would think that the one thing you would practice before entering a Presidential campaign is making good analogies. I know I would.

The moderators seem to have decided to let Thompson pack all of his missed debates into one. He has gotten about as many questions as everyone else combined.

He tells the audience that the average soldier serving in Iraq knows more about foreign policy than the average 20 year veteran on Capital Hill. He seems to have forgotten that he was in Congress for about ten years, and that since 1970 he has either worked for the government in Washington or had a law office there. But he is not a Washington insider.

Ron Paul finally gets another question. He uses that opportunity to add the night’s second word to the dictionary “Mercantilistic.” Also, neo-colonialism is not a new word. It is just a word that no one else uses. However, Ron Paul has to be considered the front runner for the 1800 Presidential Election.

Sometimes you learn something during a Presidential debate. Tonight that lesson: We are living beneath our means. I will be showing my creditors this clip when they try and tell me the opposite.

The dictionary is getting filled up quickly. Thompson’s contribution: Nuclearism.

When discussing if he would attack a country without consulting Congress, Romney forgets that Republicans hate lawyers, and are never allowed to suggest that a lawyer knows anything about anything. Rudy, and lawyer, will likely remind him very quickly.

But no, Ron Paul, the doctor, beats Rudy to criticizing lawyers. McCain is your club house leader in using the phrase “of course” to answer a question.

While talking about the appropriateness of invading other countries, Thompson answers the question with “Are we still on this question?” Easily the funniest moments of evening.

A question with Hillary Clinton in it for Rudy. His ass is perking. Only he gets so excited not only forgets to rail on Hillary, he also forgets that France should never be used as a good example of how to do something.

Huckabee makes a Nascar analogy. Expect more of those.

Romney has decided to change the name of farm subsidies to “domestic support for farmers.” No one is better at naming things than Republican politicians.

Romney’s prescription for the economy: be confident. He should be picking up George Bush’s endorsement soon.

It looks like Hillary is now a substitute for Democrats.

Is anyone still awake?

Make that 4 or 5 for Optimism as their primary economic policy. Somewhere an economist’s head has exploded.

Single issue candidates Hunter and Tancredo remember to prescribe their single issue as the answers to America’s economy.

Chris Mathews “we have a special interest group we need to hear from…with this commercial break.” Chris Mathews never afraid to make a joke that cracks himself up.

Mitt Romney is trying desperately to understand what Fred Thompson is talking about, but the confused look on his face gives him away.

There is a guy who looks like a bald Abe Lincoln asking questions. There is no one more serious about this debate than him.

Mitt brings up Hillary Clinton again. She really is taking over the Republican debate. It is like she is the incumbent president. I can’t imagine this has ever happened in a Presidential election before.

It is unclear what kind of lapel pin Ron Paul is wearing but it is not an American flag. Surprisingly Rudy has not questioned Paul’s patriotism (at least not over the pin).

Time for a union question in a union state: looks like everyone on stage allegedly like unions. Rudy has found one flaw in himself: Not a good singer. Good to know. I think the singing Senators have the country covered.

Once again McCain can not hear the question. I think I would have a hard time hearing question from Bartiromo.

Lighting Round:

Huckabee gives the answer where he spends most of his time complaining about the amount of time to answer. Then talks way over the time. They officially can not call this a lightening round when the first guy talks for 70 seconds on a 30 second question.

Brownback is asked who he would name as a political advisor and it is clear he has not gotten that far. For some reason he decides not to use the answer “That is not a question I will face as the Vice Presidential nominee.”

Romney manages to get out his Fred Thompson late to the party joke, only to be one upped by Thompson calling him the best actor on the stage. Great line. But he does bring up a good point that Romney would make better television politician. That has to sting Thompson just a little.

This just in: Huckabee is against airline passengers being forced to sit on runways for hours. The former Jetblue frequent flyer vote just went to Huckabee.

Brownback finds that the breakdown of the family is the biggest economic threat to the country. I think Romney’s head just exploded again.

And the last question of the night goes to Thompson…shocker. It is a softball “how do you feel.” What about how everyone who sat through this for two hours? How are we doing?

Chris Mathews looks like he is ready for the debate to be over so he can begin flirting with Bartiromo.

Wow. I am pretty sure I will never blog one of these again. 2300 words.