I Am the Very Model of a Democratic Candidate

(with apologies to Gilbert & Sullivan)

by Tom King

Admiral Bill:

I am the very model of A Democratic Candidate

I choose my words in speeches for their tendency to obfuscate,

I pander to the voters who least like to think political

That way I get away with things that would seem hypocritical

Chorus:  That way I get away with things that would seem hypocritical

I’m seen with cool celebrities and rappers in the magazines

I often grab a quickie with the interns in my limousine

I promise anything that comes into this punkin' head to me

I promise, if elected, they can share the Lincoln bed with me

Chorus:  I promise, if elected, they can share the Lincoln bed with me

I have a wife who fortunately supports me in the media

Though she knows my indescretions would fill up encyclopedia

In short although I’m liberal I call myself a moderate

I am the very model of a Democratic condidate.

Chorus:  Oh, he’s the very model of a Democratic condidate

General Obama:

I change our nation’s history in ways I hope you never recognize

I make the founding fathers out to be a bunch of kinda Marxist guys

My political positions can depend upon whatever poll is sinking

And I read the morning paper just to see what I am thinking

Chorus:  Oh, I read the morning paper just to see what I am thinking

My pastor is my mentor in matters that are spiritual

For 20 years attended ceremonies, sermons, rituals

Where for anarchistic rhetoric the congregation all were clapping

But, I have never heard a word he said cause frankly I was napping

Chorus:  Oh, I have never heard a word he said cause frankly I was napping

I am the darling of the press and journalists and columnists

Who carefully suppress the fact I am a closet communist

I have a golden tongue, I speak of Hope, Change and New Directions

I know it doesn’t mean a thing, but it helps me win elections

Chorus:  Oh, he knows it doesn’t mean a thing, but it helps him win elections!

Captain McCain:

I have a sterling record, I embody all things military

My cooperation with the Democrats was almost always voluntary

I’m counting on the media to carry me to victory

Though my rhetoric and history are often contradictory

Chorus:  Oh, my rhetoric and history are often contradictory

I count on my relationships with the pundits, scribes and commentators

For that will win the moderates, so say TV talk show moderators

I don’t count on conservatives I don’t really think that I can use ‘em

Their whole fascination with that Reagan fella always did confuse me

Chorus:  Their whole fascination with that Reagan fella always did confuse me

It’s all about how best to win this election confrontation

So I can get my self elected to be the leader of this nation

That’s why I want to save the planet from the effects of global warming

Real or not it make the moderates all think that I am charming!

Chorus:  Oh, real or not it makes the moderates all think that he is charming!

All together:

Principles no longer enter the political equation

Not if you wish to be elected to be leader of this nation

We can speak and yet say nothing through an hour long debate

So, we are the very models of a Democratic candidate

Chorus:  Oh they're the very models of a Democratic candidate!